i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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