If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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