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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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