please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
