So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
