I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Randomize
