There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Mom said you looked used
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
