**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
