I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
