dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
