Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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