you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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