Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
