Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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