I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
