nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
