Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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