Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
