guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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