All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
