is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
