Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
