my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
