I'm so fucking centered right now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
