I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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