Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
