Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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