He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
