i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
