Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
