girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
