I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
