My first STD was from a foam party
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
