me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
