I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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