I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
