What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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