my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
