I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
