She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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