my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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