You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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