these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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