Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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