Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
