Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
