I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
