The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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