So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
