why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
