Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
