fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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