I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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