So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
