You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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