I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
