good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
