The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He's on the porch naked. Help.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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