drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
this will be a night to untag.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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