and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need to align my fucking chakras
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
